Romance for men
Romance is just a word and it translates differently for different people. It seems to me however, that men and women respond differently to the process of 'being romanced'.
With men there is a certain straightforwardness. If a woman wants a particular outcome, she learns quite quickly that (in general) there are certain buttons to press. Women also have similar buttons, but it's as if they are connected to the rest of the "machine" by chewing gum. You press a button... two buttons... all the buttons, and... nothing. Women generally need a sustained signal before they will shift mood. With her buttons you have to press and hold.If a man wants to know how he can romance his wife, especially in the hope that she will respond to his amorous advances, he needs to be asking himself: how can I make her feel cherished?
Now here is where things get tricky. Firstly, if he doesn't already know what makes her feel cherished, in most cases it's no use asking her! Women more than anything expect telepathy in this department. "Because if he really loved me, he would know what I want". But it can be winkled out of her, the husband just needs to be a little bit crafty. I will come back to this.
The other reason it gets tricky is that even when he does know what makes her feel loved, from time to time and without notice: She changes the rules! And by the way, for women, there is nothing illogical about this. They know that what they want changes according to the months, the seasons, age etc.
So going back to the telepathy problem, there are a few things that can be done.
1) Cast your mind back to the last time she was very warm and amorous - it may be that you accidentally did or said the right thing. Try it again, and give it some time before you conclude it does not work.
2) In general, pay attention to her. Imagine your pride and joy is a Harley Davidson that you have been restoring. You look at her every time you walk past her. You buy her the best lube you can get your hands on. You think about her often... When you are out riding her, you notice the slightest change in the purr of the engine and investigate immediately to see if something needs attention. So why did you notice a gradual souring of your wife's mood several months ago and just let it go un-dealt with?
When we really, really pay attention, quite often the solution will present itself. It could be anything. You may even realise that your wife has been having an affair right under your nose - just to see if you would notice (OK, I threw that in as a shocker, but extreme neglect can have extreme results). And paying attention is itself a huge turn on for most people - they want to be found interesting.
3) This is the telepathic replacement therapy. If you haven't quite got your telepathy working - fake it. You can ask questions, but only indirectly. Don't ask "what makes you feel loved?", be a bit more cunning. Mention a couple you know who's relationship is clearly going to the dogs and say, "What a jerk, I'm sure he could have been more demonstrative and loving". Draw her in, and get her to tell you all the things he is doing wrong. Then - when your wife is not looking, make a quick (and secret) note of whatever she said. You actually need to write down your findings because otherwise you will forget. Even better is to wait for her to talk about someone else's marriage without prompting. Again, milk her for info and give her plenty of empathy - nod your head in agreement. Mirror the grave look on her face when she ennumerates the Jerk's worst features - that Jerk could be you! Once you have your info, don't start using it 2 minutes later or she'll smell a rat. Wait a day or two. But don't wait too long or she will be thinking - "He can't even see all that stuff I was saying about Mr. Jerk applies to him".
So the big question is, will you get more sex?
If your wife was feeling neglected, and doing the above makes her feel more loved, then as the atmosphere between you warms, it should lead to less rejection when you try to initiate sex. But don't expect to do a deal: I gave you romance, so you owe me sex. It's more along the lines of - forest fires are more likely in the summer.
Romance itself is not sexy. It just sets the scene. A marriage that lacks the cherishing of the woman by the man needs to gain that in order for everything else to follow. But it needs to be in the woman's own language, or it wont take.
Here is something from my own experience on the subject:
I used to look at my wife across the room, and think wow, she's looking pretty today. But I never said a word. I just soaked up the sight, and enjoyed it internally. I'm not saying I never complimented her, just that I was not doing it spontaneously when these thoughts came upon me. Then one day, the same thing happened again and my mouth opened and the words came out - effortlessly. I started making a habit of it. I told her about the process. The other day, she told me that she had been looking at me across the room at me typing on the laptop, and wanted to make some lewd comment about how sexy I looked, but the kids were in the room, so she did not. But it was a boost to hear her tell me about it even after the fact. How much do these little gestures cost? Nothing, of course, but they can make a huge difference.
© MT
